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  • Courtney

Reflection on The Call

A reflection from our spiritual retreat at the beginning of our five weeks of pre-field training in North Carolina.

  • Written by Courtney

We are in a season of simultaneous joy and pain. It is with joy that we reflect on God’s grace to us throughout our lives to call us to his great work. It is with joy that we celebrate his faithfulness in each season and we dream of all that is to come. It is with joy we celebrate my physical healing from epilepsy and a brain injury that once threatened my ability to be missionary. Yet it is with great pain that we say “goodbye” and “see you later” to those that we love. The pain of instability, of the unknown, and of future anticipation weigh heavy, and our calling begins to feel sobering and burdensome as we grow closer and closer to getting on the plane. While practicing a daily examen, the Holy Spirit brought to mind an eleven year old reflection to serve as a prayer and a dedication in this season. This was a poem that I originally wrote in 2012 when I was experiencing great suffering following chronic illness and surgery. Today I offer it as a prayer of reflection and trust as we go into this season of the unknown. On my knees, I give my life over to Jesus. On my knees, I ask for grace sufficient for the day. On my knees, I will trust God with this story.

Though I am faced with times of pain

Beyond the clouds of any dark night

To you I look, in you I sustain

You guide me by your light.

You have taught me to fall to my knees

You fill my every need

When I cry out, ‘Please Lord please’

You take from me the lead.

I have been holding on for far too long

To what I thought was mine

But you reveal it through the Psalms

It is all yours, every last dime.

You have taught me to fall to my knees

You fill my every need.

When I cry out, ‘Please Lord please.’

You take from me the lead.

So I will continue to run

Fighting for your glory

Taking each day one by one

Until you have finished my story.

You have taught me to stay on my knees.


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