A reflection from our spiritual retreat at the beginning of our five weeks of pre-field training in North Carolina.
Written by Courtney
We are in a season of simultaneous joy and pain. It is with joy that we reflect on God’s grace to us throughout our lives to call us to his great work. It is with joy that we celebrate his faithfulness in each season and we dream of all that is to come. It is with joy we celebrate my physical healing from epilepsy and a brain injury that once threatened my ability to be missionary. Yet it is with great pain that we say “goodbye” and “see you later” to those that we love. The pain of instability, of the unknown, and of future anticipation weigh heavy, and our calling begins to feel sobering and burdensome as we grow closer and closer to getting on the plane. While practicing a daily examen, the Holy Spirit brought to mind an eleven year old reflection to serve as a prayer and a dedication in this season. This was a poem that I originally wrote in 2012 when I was experiencing great suffering following chronic illness and surgery. Today I offer it as a prayer of reflection and trust as we go into this season of the unknown. On my knees, I give my life over to Jesus. On my knees, I ask for grace sufficient for the day. On my knees, I will trust God with this story.
Though I am faced with times of pain
Beyond the clouds of any dark night
To you I look, in you I sustain
You guide me by your light.
You have taught me to fall to my knees
You fill my every need
When I cry out, ‘Please Lord please’
You take from me the lead.
I have been holding on for far too long
To what I thought was mine
But you reveal it through the Psalms
It is all yours, every last dime.
You have taught me to fall to my knees
You fill my every need.
When I cry out, ‘Please Lord please.’
You take from me the lead.
So I will continue to run
Fighting for your glory
Taking each day one by one
Until you have finished my story.
You have taught me to stay on my knees.
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